My sister is due only 2 weeks after I would have been - and they weren't even trying! - Why I am happy about it!

My last National Infertility Awareness Week post ☺

After 8 long years of doctor appointments, tests, bloodwork, injections, pills, ultrasound wands, bruises and knots in my rear, sleepless nights, time off because we couldn’t go on, a lot of money, tears, sadness, anger, bitterness, jealousy, depression, pain, failure to respond to Clomid, failed IVF cycle, no success adopting through our church, failed natural supplements and diets, suffering from male and female infertility – we finally heard those words…“Congratulations, you are pregnant!”

We were blessed with several donor embryos through Embryo Adoption late last year, just as we had given up hope. We were in total shock to finally be expecting, I remember falling to my knees in heartfelt prayer after that phone call from the fertility center. I WAS PREGNANT! There was a little person, or two, growing inside of ME. It was finally our turn. My lifelong dream of becoming a mother was finally coming true! I would finally be able to see my husband lovingly hold OUR baby. That was something that I had ached to see for years. Growing up I never wanted to be a fancy business woman, a famous singer, or a gifted athlete – I just wanted to be a mother. I wanted to stay at home and nurture and love my babies. It was all finally going to happen at long last! For the next several weeks, I dreamed of finally being able to use all the baby stuff I got from my “hooray we’re on the adoption waiting list” shower a few years earlier. We were finally going to get to use our baby names. I felt cool, legit, walking through the stores in my new maternity pants. I was one of “them” now. Sure, I had some spotting and had to take it easy, but everything was going to be fine. The Lord wouldn’t have finally given us a baby if things weren’t going to work out, right?!

But, our happiness was ripped away from us at 10 weeks of pregnancy. While we were hoping to hear it was twins after our 2^nd ultrasound, we instead got to hear…“I’m so sorry to tell you that there is only one baby and it no longer has a heartbeat.” You could have knocked me over with a feather. My brain couldn’t even process the news at first. I sat silent and confused on the phone. How could this have happened? I didn’t even cry during the phone call because I was so shocked. I was home alone and just sat there on the couch for a few minutes before calling my husband and mom. My heart sunk, and my belly suddenly felt very empty. At our follow up appointment, we found out that I had been carrying a baby that had passed away around 8 weeks, and that my body didn’t want to willingly miscarry. I would have to take painful labor inducing meds. Nothing like having labor pains and contractions for several hours, only to not get a baby out of it! My heart and mind will forever be scarred with the image of what was left of our tiny baby.

All the while, my younger sister was also pregnant and is due only 2 weeks after I would have been. And they weren’t even trying. It was a total shock to them. While it would have been so easy to think, “This is so unfair! Life is so cruel! I’m the oldest and the one struggling to have a baby, so I should be the first to give my parents a grandbaby!” But I am by some miracle just the opposite. Having jealous or bad feelings toward my sister and her husband would have been a common response in this situation. However, I am truly happy for her! I am truly happy that she is making me an aunt for the first time on my side of the family. I love her so much, and this sweet little one on the way too. It’s not their fault that their bodies work right, that’s how it’s supposed to be for heaven’s sake! And it’s not my fault that we won’t get to see our two little babies play together, these things just happen. Ours was meant to return to our Heavenly Father for a greater adventure. I honestly can’t wait to see her belly when I visit this summer. I can’t wait to find out what she’s having. I can’t wait to meet and hold her baby for the first time. Instead of constantly fuming, isolating myself, and being miserable for months (or even years) to come – I bought her the “what to expect when you’re expecting” book, the gummy prenatal vitamins that I loved, a few maternity clothes that I thought were comfy, and a belly band. I make her text or email me pictures of their ultrasounds, and tell me everything that the doctors say about the baby. She is due around my birthday even! This situation was supposed to occur for a reason. Maybe it’s the only way that I could get through the loss of our baby, is to support her and be excited for the arrival of her baby?! It’s much to other’s surprise that I am able to support my sister so happily and be excited for her. It’s amazing I’m not sitting around feeling sorry for myself and hiding behind a mountain of pain. I have heard “I’m so sorry, Megan!” many times lately as others heard she was expecting right when I miscarried. But I’m not sorry! I’m thrilled one of us works right, and that she gets to experience motherhood without the struggles of infertility. I have prayed for years that my siblings wouldn’t be plagued with this same horrible trial.

For too many years we put on a happy face or said congratulations to others when we truly didn’t mean it and were dying inside. I’m not saying that I haven’t cried at all over this, or that the thought of, “We should be experiencing all this right now too!” hasn’t crossed our minds. But I am not angry. Not at her, this baby, or God. I am making this situation a positive one, ME. It’s my choice. A situation like this can make or break you I think. You can choose to be included in the experience, happy, and have loving relationships with your family and friends – or you can go to a dark place, be distant, and bitter. The latter may seem like the logical thing to do when we are suffering and hurting, but we are only hurting ourselves more and prolonging our road to recovery. I don’t know about you, but I am personally sick to death of the dark places. Sick of feeling left out and abandoned. My husband recently said that maybe all of our friends in the past that have quit talking to us and inviting us to things, wasn’t only their doing. Maybe we kind of willed it, or contributed to that outcome by the sadness and jealousy rolling off of us? Sure they felt bad for us, and even felt guilty for being able to have children so easily. They probably didn’t want us to be the only ones at their parties without kids. But it was just the opposite. We needed to be included. Not forgotten just because we suffer from the “I” word. But everyone is different and they couldn’t have known that we felt that way. If we were partly responsible for being left in the dust, I want to change that. I am not happy with how a few of the last eight years have felt. We need to be around others, including children. We find joy in it now. Don’t be afraid to tell your friends and family what you can (and can’t) handle. We regret that. Don’t wait for them to ask, because they probably won’t. It’s easier to just avoid you, especially if you never voice your desires.

I know it’s a long road, and some of you may think I sound crazy because this isn’t where you are in your struggle right now. But I just wanted you to know that it IS possible. I AM happy for my sister! I’m NOT angry at our loss and her gain. Only peace from God and 8 years of infertility experiences have made this possible for me. I know many that can’t be around pregnant friends, go to baby showers, and not help but hate Fertile Myrtles. It’s only natural. My heart goes out to you. I have been there. I used to cry at the sight of the baby section in department stores and at ads in the mail and online. I had to turn off my Facebook a few times, have avoided church in the past, and even hated God. Hearing a newborn cry used to make my chest instantly tighten and my heart would hurt. I used to throw formula samples I randomly got in the mail into the trash can as hard as I possibly could. We used to sit around and think of the many unfit, abusive, lazy, and neglectful parents out there. They had no problem having kids. Why can they have kids and we can’t?! It’s so unfair, why would God do this to us?! Why does every moment have to be so hard?! I used to obsess over it, lose sleep over it, dwell on it. Constantly. To those who are experiencing this, I promise that things get easier with time. Time doesn’t take away your pain, but makes it more manageable. God will comfort you if you let him fully into your life. There are still hard days. I’m not saying that everything is perfect. I still have to pray constantly for hope, peace, happiness, empathy, and strength to be the person that I want to be, NOT the person that struggling with infertility can turn you into.

Many of the stories I have read on NIAW this week have given me the hope, strength, and peace that I desperately needed. Everyone’s story is different. Everyone deals with grief differently. It is a personal thing. God has a special and different plan for us all. Some don’t get their “happy endings” or “rainbow babies” for many years, or ever. It’s not something that people want to hear or talk about, but it is important to acknowledge. It is reality. Everyone’s struggle is different, but everyone still needs someone. Just because you have experienced loss, doesn’t mean that you can’t still have normal relationships. I congratulate those families that have conquered infertility. I pray for hope for those who are still aggressively pursuing their dreams of a child (or simply just struggling to continue), and wish for comfort to be with those who are living a “childfull” life, as we are for now. We are not childless. We love our nephews, niece, my sister’s baby on the way, friend’s children, etc. We still have children to love, skype with, talk to, and get birthday and holidays gifts for. We are not alone. We can still support those that don’t struggle with infertility – and if we chose to allow it, they can support us too. My sister knows how upset I would have been if they would have kept her pregnancy from us. It’s often more painful to be the last to know things like this, rather than hearing it right away. She knows that I want to be a part of this baby’s life, and it’s because I told her that. We don’t have to let grief and jealousy rule our lives!

Ps...I had my sister read and approve this before I posted it 😀

God's "no" is not a rejection, it's a redirection.

Reading some really inspiring stories on the NIAW's Facebook forum this week! While our hearts are breaking for the baby that we lost, we are still so lucky and blessed. We have several more sweet little snowflakes waiting for us, and an angel watching over us! ♥ Many don't have that. Each day gets a little easier. This forum has helped me immensely, National Infertility Awareness Week could not have come at a better time for us! SO many people have had to endure so much more than Blake and I. Breaks my heart. Miscarried triplets, still borns, years of never getting a positive pregnancy test, 5+ miscarriages, hysterectomies, uteran cancer, thousands upon thousands of dollars spent only to end up with no baby, etc. But the Lord works in mysterious ways, you never know what he has prepared for you. I loved this quote! So simple, yet so true. We had finally started to come to terms with never having children after unsuccessfully adopting through the church. Then, our donor embryos came into our lives! We went from feeling half dead inside, to bursting with happiness. One woman posted on NIAW that after several years and 4 miscarriages, she gave birth a baby boy, and then to healthy quints! Another is hoping to be a surrogate for her twin sister who had a hysterectomy. Never lose hope, we could be getting prepared for something wonderful, something so great that we could have never imagined it! ♥

National Infertility Awareness Week! - You are NOT alone...

For our new blog viewers:
We have been struggling for 8 years to start a family, and recently experienced our first pregnancy (via Embryo Adoption), which resulted in a Silent Miscarriage at 10.5 weeks. We are beyond heart broken, but are so very grateful for our wonderful family, friends, and donor couple. We have sadly still had to endure all the heartache, embarrassment, and annoying/offensive questions and comments that come with infertility though: 

“Just relax, it’ll happen!”

“Why don’t you JUST adopt?!"

“You can have my kids!"

“Quit stressing, everything will work out when it’s SUPPOSED to!”

“It took us a whole four months to get pregnant, we know EXACTLY how you feel!”

“Maybe if you just lost some MORE weight you could get pregnant?”

“Well which one of you is the PROBLEM?”

And our all-time favorite, make you want to punch someone in the throat comment...

“I only WISH I had your problem, my kids drive me nuts!”

We are so grateful to have been guided to our donor embryos by our Heavenly Father. It’s amazing that it all started from a dream! Even though our first embryo transfer resulted in heart ache, we are still hopeful that a future transfer will be the answer to our many years of prayer. We are NOT giving up! We have received SO MUCH support by sharing our story via blog. I encourage those out there who are suffering in the dark, to finally speak out! Don’t keep this trial and burden to yourself. It will consume you. We know this from experience. We didn’t tell many about our IVF treatment in 2008, and it ended up failing. No embryos to transfer. We spent many years afterward struggling with depression, were full of anger, and felt so alone. This is why we decided to get it ALL out there this time around, in hopes of getting the support we need. It was SO worth it, so therapeutic, and so uplifting. Even though you may hear the annoying comments above by sharing your infertility struggles, I promise that you will receive much more support, love, empathy, and prayers on your behalf, if you will just be brave enough to share. It makes the insensitive comments seem minuscule in comparison to the weight lifted off of your shoulders from voicing your pain, and bonding with others who share your sadness. 

We have cried many happy tears over the last few months while reading tender messages of gratitude, hope, and empathy from family, friends, and strangers, for sharing our story. Thank you!!! Hang in there! Though times may seem dark, your day WILL come, and so will ours! Whether it be adoption, a miracle pregnancy, successful IVF or IUI, embryo donation, donor egg, donor sperm, surrogacy, a combination of these, or something else...something great will happen for you. You WILL have children in your life, whether it be yours after much struggling, or that you are "childfull" and love and bond with children of family and friends. Trust in the Lord, as hard as that may be at times. His plan may hurt along the way (A LOT), but he knows us and knows what is best, even though we may not see it at the time, or understand it for many years to come. We are stronger than we think! I promise.

So grateful for organizations like this, wish I would have found out about it sooner! So, I hope you will share this, in hopes of it reaching others who so badly need the support. Even though I was going to take a posting break until next treatment, I thought this week was a great exception!

Happy National Infertility Awareness Week (NIAW) to all of my fellow infertile-ites! 

Take advantage of these wonderful resources! ♥

http://www.resolve.org/national-infertility-awareness-week/home-page.html

A ring and an angel! ♥ Last post until next treatment!

A ring...

My husband mentioned one afternoon last week that he thought I needed something to remember the baby by. Not that we will ever ever ever forget it, but he thought that I needed something that I could look at, or wear. When our IVF cycle failed years ago and we ended up with zero embryos to transfer, we decided to get a new puppy several months later. It was extremely therapeutic for us both, and we loved little Jasper to absolute pieces. He was the cutest thing ever. But our hearts were broken when I became extremely allergic to him as his long coat grew in (long haired Doxie). Don't want to do that again, our pet allergies aren't pleasant. Luckily, Slinky is the only dog that doesn't make my skin red and my nose unbearably itchy. And, he's perfectly happy being the only puppy child for now, ha ha. Now back to what I was saying...Blake knows I'm planning on decorating a shadow box with the baby's sonogram pictures, snap shots from the treatment, pg tests, etc., besides having the blog made into a book. But he had something else in mind, something wonderful. He mentioned, "some kind of a mother's ring" one afternoon, and I burst into tears. He started to apologize immediately because he thought I hated the idea and that's why I was crying. I tried hard to compose myself and said, "no, I love that idea!!" This baby did make me a mother for the first time after all ☺ We found this ring online (we love Amazon deals!), and I knew it was THE ONE as soon as I saw it. I knew I wanted something with the baby's birth stone month on it (March - Aquamarine). But other than that, I had no clue. The heart shaped stone and setting make this ring absolutely perfect in every way! It represents our great love and excitement for this baby. I love my hubby! This was his own sweet idea, and I will forever be grateful to him for it. I'm one lucky girl ♥

An angel...

A sweet friend recently told me that she had been given angel figurines by a family member. They represented the sweet babies that they had lost to miscarriages. It was therapeutic for her to have these, helped her to move on. And, it was a great way to still have these babies be a part of their lives. I loved this idea and immediately mentioned it to my Mom. I thought to myself, I want to do this too! We thought it would be so nice to have something to look at, something comforting. Something that says our baby does exist, is with the angels, and that this pregnancy wasn't just a dream. Miscarriage sufferers can often feel that way, that it all never really happened. You don't get the closure of a funeral or memorial service with most miscarriages. That makes moving on hard for many. So, my parents being the amazing, generous, loving, and wonderful people that they are...insisted on buying it for us. I should have known, ha ha. We absolutely love it! It goes beautifully next to our Willow Tree couple in the front room. This is the Willow Tree "Angel's Embrace" figurine. Even the title is perfect and fitting. It often makes us tear up, but in a good way. It is such a comfort to have, thanks for this great idea Melanie! We know our baby is being taken good care of by our Heavenly Father, angels, and other family members that have passed on. Thank you so much Mom and Dad, we love you more than words could ever say ♥

Last post until next treatment...
This post will be the last until our next treatment, which will probably be sometime this fall. So don't forget about us ☺ I am having the blog made into a book for us during that time, but we will be back! Hoping a media break will help us not dwell, give us some much needed bonding time, and also be relaxing. I love this blog though, so it was a bitter sweet decision. We just want to thank everyone that has shown us kindness, support, love, and comfort over the past few months. We will NEVER forget it! What a roller coaster ride this has been, huh?!...so much anticipation, pain, gratitude, stress, happiness, relief, disbelief, awe, sadness, excitement, and most importantly, HOPE and FAITH. Never give up on your dreams, even during your darkest hours! The Lord WILL provide a way, but in his time and own way. Although his plan may hurt (A LOT sometimes!), only he knows what is meant to be. We are so grateful to have been the earthly parents to that precious baby, if only for a short while. Even though things didn't turn out how we had hoped and dreamed, what an immense joy it was to FINALLY hear that we were "expecting" after 8 long and hard years! We don't regret anything. Many have told me that they appreciate our openness of our struggles, and admire our strength. Thank you so much for that! We don't always feel strong though, believe me. But we DO know that being angry with God gets you nowhere, and only hurts yourself. Our hearts will never be the same, but we are still very hopeful that a future treatment will be the answer to our many years of prayer. That is the reason why we haven't given up after everything we have been through...hope and faith. We honestly can't believe that we still have any, and that we have been able to endure all that we have. But I know our strength and comfort come from above. Many times over the years we have thought that we just can't take any more, not one more drop, or one more thing. But it is just proof to me that we are MUCH stronger than we give ourselves credit for ♥

Farewell for now! Take care!

You will FOREVER be in our hearts, baby!

Thank you's! & A great book!

Thank you to those that have sent us tender messages of hope and encouragement. It's times like these that you find out who truly cares about you. Many can be supportive when things are great and happy and wonderful, because that's easy. But few stick around to make sure you're ok when things get tough, ugly, and hard to hear or talk about.

Thanks to all who have expressed your sorrow, and to those who went the extra mile and have brought by food, mailed goodies, flowers, made gifts, and other fun things. Nothing makes our days more bright! Thank you for your generosity. We will always remember and cherish your support during this sad time. It's not easy, or sometimes very comfortable, to comfort those in need. It's hard to know what to say or do, because you know nothing can change what happened or take away the pain. But THANK YOU for just being there! Some days are better than others, but we love that you (you guys know who you are!) manage to text or message us at just the right moments. You are inspired, and make this more bearable, thank you...

And lastly, but certainly not least, thanks so much to our sweet friend, Brooke, who recommended the book "Gone too Soon - The life and loss of infants and unborn children". What a tear jerker, but it is helping us so much. Thanks Brooke! I highly recommend this book to anyone. Whether it's someone close to you that has experienced the loss of a child by miscarriage, still born, infant death...or if it was you yourself...get this book! It's so greatly and sweetly written...with TONS of tips on the grieving process, how to cope, when to try again (because that's a very personal and important decision, everyone is different), how to avoid being bitter, how to not feel guilt, and why to be patient with those who aren't so great at expressing their condolences, or don't express them at all. We have taken away many positive and helpful things from this book.

Photo credit: Google images

"A person's a person, no matter how small!" - Dr. Seuss

This blog had become such a thing of happiness, hope, and excitement. It seems, I guess "wrong" is the word I'm looking for, to post more sadness on it. The blog was supposed to be turned into a book for a fun keepsake for our baby or babies. It was definitely NOT supposed to have posts about miscarrying, pain, loss, and more heart breaking trials. However, that is all part of this life I guess. We are here to experience love, sadness, etc. It's what we signed up for in heaven, even though sometimes we think, why on earth would we have agreed to THIS?! We can often feel that we're pretty sure there has been a big mistake. And after our 8 years of suffering with infertility, we know by now that life itself, and dealing with the obstacles of trying to start a family, can be such a roller coaster ride and often very unfair.

The loss of a child, no matter at what stage in the pregnancy, is absolutely devastating. Especially when suffering with infertility for so long. So many though write off early miscarriages as not that big of deals. This infuriates us. Insensitive people say things like: "well at least it wasn't a REAL baby yet"..."at least you didn't bond with it yet"..."at least you didn't miscarry later on or have a still born, that's so much worse that THIS"..."obviously it just wasn't meant to be"..."at least you didn't have to experience the pains of labor"..."it's just nature's way of taking care of the weak and deformed"..."well you can just have another baby soon can't you?", etc. While no one has said any of these horrible things to us yet, we know it will eventually happen one day. And sadly others have had to endure these comments. Have been reading a lot of online posts and am horrified by the things people say to others. Unfortunately, not everyone out there is sensitive and tactful. 

To all of those out there who say awful and hurtful things like this to grieving parents though, we say back...

YES, it was VERY MUCH a baby already. Even though our baby wasn't quite an inch long yet, it still had a heart beat, detectable brain waves, arms, legs, a little body, forming organs and facial features, etc. It was on it's way to becoming just like you and me before something went wrong. Just because all babies don't get to have a funeral or memorial service, or weren't as big as you deem worthy to be called "a real baby", it was still OUR baby and it's gone. The size and weight of our baby doesn't lessen the pain, and we still experienced a loss. One that will effect us forever.

YES, I had to take labor inducing meds and experience the most pain I've ever been in physically, because my body didn't want to let the pregnancy go naturally. I still had to endure painful contractions for several hours, but got no baby out of it. And, just because the father didn't experience any physical pain from a miscarriage, his heart is still shattered, and he loved the baby too. So many forget to ask the fathers how THEY are holding up. A great book we are reading has a section on that, very important.

YES, while we are grateful that something went wrong sooner rather than later, because having a still born or experiencing an infant death is a completely different devastation and kind of suffering, we are still hurting and are heart broken. We will always long for what could have been...what he or she would have looked like? How many grand kids would they have given us? What career path would they have chosen? And what kind of person would he or she have been? 

YES, we were already bonding with this baby...talking about how to arrange it's nursery, thinking about it's future, and our future with him or her, etc. I found myself already saying, "what should we have for lunch today baby?"..."ok, let's go potty AGAIN baby"..."can't wait to see you on the ultrasound screen again baby". The bonding of mother and child starts very early on for most women. I've never wanted to be a fancy business woman, famous singer, super model, or athlete...I've always wanted to be a mother. To be able to stay at home, and love and nurture my babies. Hopefully our next treatment will bless us with a healthy baby and we can finally achieve our dream of parenthood. 

A GIANT thank you to my sweet cousin, Carolyn, who has said the most comforting thing of all to us....

"A PERSON'S A PERSON, NO MATTER HOW SMALL!" 
Dr. Seuss

We know our sweet little angel baby boy, or girl, is watching over us from heaven! We are so grateful to have been it's earthly parents, even if it was only for a short while. We WILL see him or her again. My baby sister said it best..."what better babysitter could you ask for than our Heavenly Father?!"

photo credit: Google images

"God has a purpose for your pain, a reason for your struggles, and a reward for your faithfulness. Don't give up!" - Unknown

As I have thought about posting something over the past couple of weeks, it was just too hard. I could not bring myself to do it. And I honestly didn't even know what to say. Seriously, not a clue. Nothing came to mind except more tears. At first our brains felt as if they were in a thick fog, and we were numb. There have been days that have just completely flown by in what seems like only a few short hours. We seriously feel like we don't know what we did some days. I'm still in pain physically, so I can't do that much, but we are like...did we really watch that much tv?! Did we really cry for that long?! Where did the time go?! Did I just sit there and stare at the wall for hours?! It's so odd, the world around you feels so weird sometimes when you're grieving. We remember some of these awful feelings from when we experienced our failed IVF cycle several years ago. At least this time we are blessed with additional embryos, so not all hope feels lost this time around! It's really the only thing getting us through, besides each other, and the support of family and friends. And at least we now know that I can get pregnant, we weren't sure if I could. Nothing said I couldn't, but we hadn't had any luck in the past either. But, we are so bummed to be back to being heart broken. It took us YEARS to get out of our IVF depression slump. I could finally look at the baby section in department stores without bursting into tears! Now we are back to square one. Not a fun place to be. Our hearts hurt so bad. It all seemed like a bad dream the first few days, a bad and foggy dream. We were just so shocked because as far as we knew, things were going great. We were the happiest we had EVER been. Then a few days later, the shock of our bad news started to wear off. Which in our opinion, is the worst part of all (besides the actual miscarriage itself). You have to figure out how you're going to deal with your mountain of pain. And it is a strong pain, very different than any other we have felt before. It can't be ignored, and can feel so overwhelming. It would be so nice if you could make yourself think that nothing happened, and you could just move on immediately. But unfortunately, that isn't how it works. Eventually you get through the mourning process, which is different for everyone, but we know there will always be a part of us that will never fully recover. Many years from now, I know we will still cry over this loss, because that baby was loved so much already. We think the two things that make this the most hard to deal with, is that we had tried for SO long, and were finally given a baby, but only for a short while. EIGHT years is a very long time to wait for a baby and not get to keep it! And secondly, that we had finally let ourselves get totally excited just before things took a turn for the worst. In the beginning, we were just so surprised that the treatment actually worked, that finally being pregnant took a little bit to sink in. Only several short weeks later it was ripped away from us unexpectedly.

But if we have gotten through everything else that we were dealt over the last nine and a half years, I think we can get through this, and that our marriage will be strengthened all the more because of it!! One of our bishops from a few years back was shocked to hear everything that we've been through. It could always be worse, but he said most people don't go through everything that we have in their whole life time. We had it rough from the very beginning it feels like: previous abusive relationships/family members...when we were dating and trying to get married, certain individuals didn't approve of me, so we had to wait a year after getting married civilly to finally be sealed in the temple...found out we couldn't have kids...we lost jobs when the economy tanked...had a failed Clomid, and then IVF cycle...lost our home and a car...dealt with years of infertility... suffered for years with misdiagnosed health issues, and depression...and so on. He said he was so proud of us for not losing our faith, and that most who struggle so badly end up turning away from God completely.  He said that we had done everything right even though it wasn't easy and others didn't agree with us, that we were a great team, and that we could be proud of our choices and who we were. We often remember that conversation with him, and draw strength from it. He said we were meant to be or things wouldn't be so hard. He thought we are one of the few truly happy couples out there, and that we can take anything thrown at us. We will forever be grateful for his uplifting words! Like I said, it could ALWAYS be worse. But these have been some of our life trials. Life is NOT easy for anyone, in just one way or many. Through it all though, I can say without a doubt that I love my husband and am still so grateful that we met that day in the singles ward. Wouldn't change a thing (even though some things might be nice changed!), because that'd mean we would be different people today. Trials really do strengthen you, especially as a couple, if you just let them. Trials can bond you, or destroy you. And strengthen your testimony, or break it. Blake means more to me than I could ever say. He is my best friend, personal in-house comedian, and random facts knower. He has the kindest heart, cutest personality, and is nice to everyone, even to people who hurt him. His love, support, and open arms have been the only things getting me through the days lately. He just hugs me and let's me cry, sometimes that's just what you need to do. It's heart breaking to see him so sad also, but we are grateful we have each other to lean on. Each day that goes by is a tiny bit better, hoping time will make our hearts not ache as bad.

We know that even though it seems like the exact opposite right now, we WILL be rewarded for our faithfulness some day. I know that for a fact. I am so grateful for the gospel in our lives, and for the knowledge that families can be together forever. We ARE sealed to our angel baby for all time. We hope this blog will give strength and comfort to those suffering from infertility, miscarriages, and other life struggles. We don't have to be enduring the same struggles to be there for each other. YOU ARE NOT ALONE! If our blog tells you anything, we hope it's that! Don't give up! 

LOVE LOVE LOVE this quote, felt like we should share it ♥

photo credit: facebook

Over 10,000 views, you guys rock! - Thanks to all ♥

We cannot believe that our blog has over 10,000 views! We know a lot are returning family and friends, but we don't know THIS many people! The blog has a stats section that only we can see. It tells us how many views per day and per post, what devices our blog is viewed on, what countries are viewing it, etc. We hope that this blog is not only fun for you update wise, but that it's also helping and reaching others who struggle with infertility, miscarriages, and also increasing Embryo Donation/Adoption awareness!

Although our first pregnancy wasn't successful, Embryo Adoption has been a HUGE blessing to us. We appreciate your love and support so much, during the good and now very sad times. Nothing makes our day more happy than seeing all of your uplifting comments and so many views. While we are hurting, we get great comfort from our remaining snowflakes. Our fertility doctor expressed her sadness to us yesterday, and said they would be great babysitters to the embryos still waiting for us :) Thought that was so sweet. So blessed to have extra snowflakes. If we didn't have them, we would be even bigger messes, and all hope would seem lost. Thanks so much for your support.

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photo credit: google.com

Our hearts are breaking, but we are so grateful that families are forever ♥

We had a follow up appointment this afternoon, and unfortunately the baby no longer has a heart beat. We had a sinking feeling that something wasn't right when our last ultrasound went how it did, but we were trying to stay positive. My doctor wanted to do another ultrasound just to make sure, and I wasn't completely convinced anyways. I have had no bleeding, cramps, etc. But the fertility meds mimic a lot of the pregnancy symptoms, so it would have been hard to tell anyways. But there is no doubt about it, we won't be welcoming a little one in October. We are beyond devastated and it all feels like a nightmare that we can't wake up from. One minute we are like what just happened, and the next we are sobbing. But we are so grateful for our church, our father in heaven, and the knowledge that families are forever. That sweet baby is waiting for us in heaven, and knows how much it was already loved. 

Apparently the baby's heart beat was kind of low at the 7 week appt a couple of weeks ago. They normally like to see it around 170 and it was at 117. We didn't know that until today though, but that isn't always a bad sign they said. We honestly are grateful that we weren't aware of the semi low heart beat because it would have just been all the more stressful the past couple weeks. The doctor said my uterus and the placenta all looked great, but that the baby just quit progressing shortly after our first ultrasound for some reason. These things happen, and they can't be explained.

Thank you so much for all of the kind comments, we really appreciate your support. This blog has been very therapeutic for me. Even now. I am so grateful that Blake was able to leave work today and come with me, it would have been awful to go alone. I am so grateful for him, his love for me, and for his tender heart. He is such a comfort, and at least we still have each other. We grew so much as a couple over the last 8 years through our struggles. This isn't our first treatment heart break, however it is very different from our failed IVF cycle several years ago. It will take time to heal all the same though.

We are going to take a breather for a bit, and try the treatment again later this year hopefully. We are extremely lucky and have several embryos left. So very grateful for our donor couple. Although things didn't turn out how we had hoped, it was still very special for us to finally hear that we were expecting. Those are the best words ever. This came out of nowhere and we were expecting to hear today that it was twins, but we are still so very grateful for the opportunity to have experienced this pregnancy. Even if it was only for several weeks, it was the happiest several weeks of our lives.

Please keep us in your prayers. Thanks so much again for all of your support.

So disappointing!! - Your "company policies" SUCK

Sadly, today did not go as planned!

So disappointed! Last time we got to see everything...she totally took her time, let us see how the baby measured, showed us the heart beat, amniotic sac, my uterus and ovary measurements, gave us pictures to take home, etc. All she did today was rush through it at mach speed, I think my lower half actually has whip lash! We got zero pictures, didn't get to see baby's heart beat or get a rate per minute (for the fertility center's files), and no word on how many are in there. She wouldn't even turn the screen. I was so mad and sad that I almost burst into tears in the imaging room, ha ha. The last 2 weeks drugg by, we were so excited. She said "your doctor's office is going to have to confirm everything with you, and they're all gone for the day it looks like, I'm so sorry." REALLY, at 2:15pm?! We have been waiting 8 years to have a baby people, so now we just get to stress all weekend?? Blink twice for twins, touch your nose for 1, cough if something is not right...anything!! She totally gave us the impression last week that we would for sure know today how many babies, that's why we are like what the heck. So now we have to wait til Monday (which is 8,000 years from now by the way!) for my OB's office to call with the results, because "company policy" prohibits her from telling us anything. Well it didn't prohibit you at all last appointment, but whatever! I understand you might get fired if you do or say something that's a big no no, and we don't want that, but why was our last visit so different from today? It was the same person! So, unfortunately we know nothing, STILL. Limbo, the story of our lives. Someone better be calling me on Monday or I will kill somebody. The only words she uttered today were "well I see something as plain as day." That was it. Seriously?! So we are left wondering if something is wrong, if there really is more than one in there, if she was just extra weird today for no good reason and there's only one in there, or if all is fine. I know I'm a big worry wort by nature (and genetics, dad and I call each other Debbie, Debbie Downer ha ha), but she was just so weird today and kicked us right out! Hoping for the best and trying not to stress. My sister reminded me that Mondays are good luck anyways, that's the day of the week that we found out that I was pregnant, and also the days that my blood work always came back great during the treatment! Thanks baby sissy ☺ I made a cute sign for today and everything, still so bummed. We will let you know what we find out on Monday. To top it all off, if all went good today, the fertility center said I could have stopped my meds! Such a disappointment, because I'm in a lot of pain from all of these dang injections. Here is my sad face lol...

Our first baby! ♥ - cutest picture ever

I thought our first child, our little furry baby, deserved a post of his very own! He is the cutest, smartest, most loving, and most energetic 10 year old weeniedog around! We love him to pieces and don't know what we'd do without him. He has gotten us through so many hard years, and he means the world to us.

He always knows when we've had a rough day... he cuddles and licks me when I cry, and lays by us when we're sick. He is hilarious, spunky, super speedy, playful, truly thinks he's a person, loves his toys, blankies, Nylabones, treats, and tennis balls. He will harass you if you have cheese, oranges, apples, or watermelon, and can hear food wrappers from a mile away!

He loves everyone after he gets used to them, but my dad and Blake are his two favorite people in the whole world! He lets me cuddle him and talk baby talk to him as long as Blake isn't in the room, ha ha. Boys will be boys. He loves kisses on top of his head, and falls asleep when my sister gives him massages. He hates his Halloween costumes but still wears them and let's me take pictures. He hates rain and really hates thunder. He whimpers by the door when Blake leaves for work, and sometimes sits on Blake's shoes so he can't leave, ha ha.

He has the most expressive little eyes and eyebrows. He was an unruly and too smart for his own good puppy, but has mellowed out over the last few years and loves to cuddle. He only pretends to hate baths, but loves being scrubbed, wrapped up like a baby, and dried off! He likes to huff and puff in his bed when he's bored, and zooms around the house like a mad man when he's excited.

 We can't wait to see what he thinks of a new baby or two! We didn't know if he was going to still be around when we finally were able to start a family, we're so glad he's so healthy! His hearing, smell, and eyesight are starting to go a little, but he hardly has any gray fur. This little guy is truly part of our family ♥ We love you Slinky!

(and yes, I got him when Toy Story was popular...)

He's been reading up...is he not the cutest thing ever?! ☺

Our first POSITIVE at home test! - One for every year we suffered!

No, we haven't lost our minds. Yes, we already know I'm pregnant, ha ha.

But we still NEEDED to do this! I think we deserve some "normal people" pregnancy fun after all these years of struggling! ☺ The life of infertility/fertility treatments can often make you feel left out still, not normal. Even if your treatment is a success. You experience things so differently than all the lucky ducks out there whose bodies actually work correctly. So we thought this would be fun, and it was! This has to be the most fun we have had so far, besides our first ultrasound, of course. 

Finding out it was positive via blood test from the fertility center was obviously exciting, but this was SO MUCH better. We have waited a long time to have a positive at home pregnancy test. I can't stop looking at them! ♥ Blake joked that we should frame them on the wall, lol. Not gonna lie, I'm tempted...just so we can look at them everyday in amazement. Can't even tell you how much money we've spent over the years on pregnancy and ovulation tests, but it's A LOT. Two years ago on Valentine's Day we got a positive ovulation test...that's it...for eight whole years. Obviously nothing ever came of that, so it's very fun to FINALLY have these. To hold something in your hands (that's not a piece of paper) that says "YES, YOU'RE PREGNANT! YAY FOR YOU GUYS!" is so awesome.

Thought it'd be fun to do one for every year that we suffered, infertility sucks! Couldn't afford to do one for every month that we were let down, because that would have been over 90 tests. SAD. We are so grateful to have that behind us and finally be starting a family. Blake has said for years that "2015 is going to be our year, I can just feel it!", but I was like yeah right, dude. SO happy he was right. We pray constantly that things continue to go well.

By the way, we didn't have to wait the recommended 3 minutes on the tests, the results were immediate, lol. I can only imagine what my hcg level is now, since it was 1,836 on the 10th. It doubles every few days, so fun! We had no idea that the home tests can detect a level as low as 25.

From carnivore to meat hater, common questions answered (including baby names!), and a little update!

I loved meat, LOVED meat...
Burgers, bacon, sausage, turkey, chicken, tuna, polish sausages, hot dogs, you name it. Not anymore. I can still stand certain turkey lunch meats and chicken once in a blue moon. But other than that, eww! That's how I lost my 35 lbs before the treatment, was the low carb/low sugar diet. Got to eat meats which I loved, salads, etc. I felt great, slept better, and totally de-sugarized myself. It was awesome. Now I almost puke at the smell of meat, it instantly nauseates me. Blake had a hot dog for lunch today and I gagged the whole time he was eating it. I made him light a candle half way through his lunch, ha ha. I ordered some protein shake mix so that I still get my protein because it's very important, but I'm very sad about the meat thing! I started the late fertility treatment and very early weeks of pregnancy with a spaghetti sauce obsession, moved on to pea soup, and now have Costco sliced pineapple and a sandwich with TONS of mustard for almost every meal. It's been interesting, he he. I  also wake up daily at 6am on the dot and am absolutely starving. Feels like I haven't eaten in years. It's soo weird!

I will be 8 wks on Monday...
The baby/babies will no longer be considered an embryo. They're now a fetus (hate that word)! Their tongue, eyes, and other facial features are taking form. And their little arms and legs are starting to look less webbed. I look forward to reading the progress update online every week. So amazing, the body is an amazing thing! Slinky, our dog, has started to notice some changes in me. He smells my arms and belly quite a bit. He's going to be in for quite the surprise, ha ha. And Blake said the other night, "you smell different!" while laying on my arm. Not a bad different, just different. So funny. I've been feeling pretty nauseous still, but vomiting isn't a daily thing anymore. Definitely more tired, been taking more naps. And I drink water like you wouldn't believe, but that's a good thing!

Not much else to report of until our next ultrasound on the 6th, 
but I thought I would answer some questions that we have been getting asked a lot :) 

1. Do you have names picked out yet? YES! YES! YES! We have had names picked out for EIGHT years! Can't wait to use them...it's been a long time coming. We have a few for each gender but here are our favorites...

 GIRL: Claire Isabelle. Claire because it's just beautiful, and we both love the older and less super trendy names. Have been waiting YEARS to use Claire! And Isabelle because my great great Aunt Isabelle "B" was very special to me. Still playing with middle names though.

BOY: Cameron Blake. We both love Cameron, which is good because Blake is super picky ha ha. I have had like 2 pages of boy and girl names for several years, and he likes a total of maybe 6. And we like Blake as a middle name because of the obvious reason ha ha. I have loved the name Blake since I was little. My baby boy dolls always used to be Blake, ha ha.

There are other names we like as well, but these will be used first! ♥ Basically, we like a lot of C names, lol.

2. So you had a successful IVF treatment finally? No, we did not do IVF (In-Vitro Fertilization). We adopted someone else's embryos. A couple of them were thawed out and were transferred into me, just as if they were our own. We can't have children with our own DNA. We did not have any embryos that survived when we did our own IVF cycle 7 yrs ago.

3. Did you do a sperm and/or egg donor? No, we did not use a sperm or egg donor. Although this is a great option for many, we adopted embryos - which is when someone else's sperm and eggs have already been combined, the embryos started to grow, were then frozen, and then donated because they weren't going to be used by our donor couple. Their family was complete.

4. When are you due? October 12th, for now... :)

5. What do you want, a boy or girl? We honestly don't care, either would be SO much fun!!

6. How many kids do you guys want? 3 or 4

7.  Do you have to fill out a bunch of adoption paperwork after you have these children? No, adoption laws only apply to babies that are already "born". This is simply a donation, no actual baby in hand when the embryo transfer occurs. There is no adoption paperwork now, or ever (for our situation anyways - not all embryo donations are anonymous. Some are open and have agreements). And no one else's names will ever be on the children's birth certificates but ours. Our situation is the same as ones who have had to do both donor sperm and donor eggs. It's not our DNA, but does not require any traditional adoption paperwork.

8. And lastly, I know some are wondering this because it's normal to wonder, but no one would ever dare ask probably...so here ya go.
No, we don't feel like we are having "someone else's babies". Even though I'm literally pregnant with a baby/babies that aren't from either mine or Blake's DNA, it does not feel that way at all. This is OUR baby! The spirit has confirmed that to us. The remaining frozen embryos are OURS for as long as we want them. It just feels as if our IVF treatment in 2008 actually worked and we were able to freeze embryos for later. Feels as if we are just picking up where we left off :) All of our children from this opportunity will still be blood siblings, which is just amazing. This is more than we could have ever hoped for! What a special form of adoption, very early on adoption ♥ My grandma said it perfectly, and I love her for that! It has brought us so much comfort..."the spirits of the babies that are meant to be yours, it doesn't matter what bodies they come into!" I just envision our children waiting in heaven and the angels saying, "Slight change of plans kiddos, your mommy and daddy can't have their own babies. So you're going to have to wait just a little bit longer for a different body. Not a big deal at all."

TWINS OR NOT TWINS? That is the question lol - Ultrasound results ♥

TWINS OR NOT TWINS? That is the question, lol...

Our hearts are so full they could pop! We have waited 8 long and very hard years to have it finally be OUR TURN to be in a room getting an ultrasound and sharing the wonderful news with everyone. I was so nervous last night, but today was better than we ever could have imagined! While they were not able to tell us for sure today if both embryos attached (insert big sad face here), we are so unbelievably grateful for the precious little one that we know for sure did! You could see that one very well on the screen and he/she measured perfectly. I will be 7 weeks on Monday, and my due date (for now) is October 12th. I thought I would bawl my eyes out today, what a wonderful experience. But I couldn't take my eyes off the screen long enough to think about crying, ha ha. We were glued. It was so exciting, I think I can finally let myself totally believe that I'm pregnant now. It was fun to see Blake so excited also! As we left he said, "well that made it much more real for me!". We get to go back in 2 weeks to see if it's twins or not. She said it could be a small blood pool from the placenta attaching (explains my spotting/light bleeding issues bc she found another small pool), but it was too far up to tell if it was that or if there's another little baby hiding up in there, so to not rule out 2. We will keep you updated, but won't know much for 2 weeks though. At first we heard "there's only one in here for sure", but then it turned into, "well actually I'm not 100% sure that there isn't another one up here!" STILL in limbo, ahhh! Ha ha. Our ultrasound tech also did fertility treatments and they ended up with twins. She said "if it ends up being twins, don't be scared. Just think, what's better than one baby?...TWO!" Thought she was cute. Anyways, here are some fun pictures from today though, even though they could never fully capture our excitement, love, and gratitude...because it's just too much! ♥ So very very thankful to our Father in heaven today! So happy to see a baby with a strong heart beat, and excited for our next appointment. I'm still on bed rest for another couple weeks, but my morning sickness (all day sickness more like ha ha) comes and goes now, that's better than 24/7! But I will gladly be sick because we are just so happy to be pregnant!! Thanks for all of your support!

Blueberries, maternity pants, and spaghetti sauce!

By the time we have our first ultrasound at the end of this week, the baby (or babies) will be about the size of a blueberry! So fun to think how much they grow in the first several weeks, amazing little things. At 7 weeks: they have a regular heartbeat, they're starting to look less like an alien baby, their little brainwaves can already be detected, their facial features are starting to form, and even though we can't feel it yet they're already starting to wiggle around! Below is a pic I found online of a baby at 7 weeks (parents.com), so crazy to think that we ALL looked like this at one point, the human body is a miracle! In this picture I especially love it's little arms and legs! They don't look like little paddles anymore.

I haven't gained a pound according to my scales (yay because I worked my butt off to lose those 35 lbs!) but I already can't fit into my favorite pair of jeans! My lower abdominal area is soo puffed out, so I already ordered some maternity pants ha ha. Only $18 a pair on Wal-Mart.com, brand is Planet Motherhood, and they're well made. The sizes run big, but they're freakishly comfortable!! I can't wait to wear them Friday for our ultrasound appointment, who cares if I'm wearing them before I'm almost 2 months along. No need to be miserable, I had to have my pants undone the whole drive home ha ha. Makes me wonder if there's more than 1 in there?! Or if these hormone injections that I still have to do til I'm 10 wks along are just making me extra puffy...

 I can't seem to get enough apple juice, water with lime wedges in it, peaches, and spaghetti sauce. It's crazy, I seriously could drink the spaghetti sauce! While I was at my grandparents and parents houses before coming home, I had spaghetti, or these little homemade gfdf pizzas we make, probably twice a day. It didn't matter if I had just thrown up, I wanted spaghetti. Anyone want to guess what is for for lunch today? Lol! I think it's neat though, my mom craved spaghetti with my last 3 siblings. We used to have spaghetti a few nights a week when I was little. I guess we know one thing for sure...I LOVE SPAGHETTI SAUCE! Prego brand to be exact, which makes me laugh! But the more robustly flavored ones I usually get don't settle very well. Kirkland marinara is really good too! And thank you to Grandma for sending home some of your bottled peaches with me, I think they're going to be gone in record time! :) YUMM.

For those who have asked, I am doing really good. I have only spotted/bled a total of like 3 days over the last few weeks. And it doesn't last very long. While it's still nerve racking, resting seems to be doing the trick. When I spotted I had been out shopping and doing errands, every time, so just taking it easy :) Thanks for all of your concern, love, and support! ♥

1st store run for hubby! - being pregnant is fun

Sent Blake on his first "pregnant wife run" and he did so good! Love this guy to pieces, he even came back with extras! A redbox he knew I wanted, new toys for the dog, and my beloved dairy free peach bars! I was so happy to see the peach bars that I could have cried! Honestly, I'm surprised I didn't ha ha.

Home sweet home, a little bed rest, and Valentine's Day! - so nice to be home

Got home yesterday afternoon, Slinky and I were so happy to see Blake!!! Feels like the whole treatment trip was just a dream. So fun to be home and pregnant! Traveling alone while pregnant and with a pet is not ideal though, ha ha. I'm exhausted to say the least, but Slinky was so good. I missed my hubby so bad, forgot how cute he is!! :) Also missed my comfy bed, squishy couch and Netflix. Blake surprised me with some beautiful flowers, a clean house, and he also had fun opening his baby gifts/Valentines from me. My sister spotted this onesie at Old Navy and Blake loved it. He loves anything motorcycles. If it's a girl, she can just wear a yellow headband, ha ha. We got some Chili's curbside to go and are going to watch a movie to celebrate Valentine's. What a fun and relaxing day, never thought I would be celebrating it pregnant!

  I'm on bed rest for a few weeks due to some spotting/light bleeding. Doctor said my HCG level is really high and to not worry, it's just better to be safe than sorry. Spotting is pretty common in the first trimester, so we have been trying to not stress, but it's so hard. Lots of changes going on in there, we are going to have to be patient. So nothing serious for now, but please keep us in your prayers :) 

We have our first ultrasound this coming Friday, we are SO excited!!! We have been waiting yearrrrrs to hear a little heart beat and to have sonogram pictures to hang on the fridge! Can't wait to see how many are in there! So very grateful to our donor couple! Without them we would not be here and would have lost all hope of ever having a family ♥ Never give up!

Final bloodwork is done! - can go home to my hubby!

Got my last round of blood work done for the fertility center today, hooray for that! My wallet (and arm veins) are very happy lol. Was so worried I would get my results and they'd say "sorry, your levels have gone down", but all is well! My HCG level went from 275 on the 2nd to 1,836 today :) She said they hoped it had made it's way toward 1,000, so we are more than good! What a relief, I can finally get home to my hubby. So excited to finally celebrate our exciting news with him IN PERSON (instead of on the phone!) and Valentine's Day. We have missed each other terribly. It will be the best Valentine's Day EVER! Hopefully I will feel good enough to venture out. If not, we can still rent some movies and lounge together at home, and enjoy the fact that
WE ARE GOING TO FINALLY BE PARENTS!

I had a few good days of not throwing up or feeling too nauseous, but I'm back at it and thrilled! I have never been so happy to feel so gross :) Hopefully all continues to go well! We can have our 7 and 9 week ultrasounds in the next few weeks, we're SO excited for those! This still all seems so surreal! I'm officially 5 weeks :)

Got to have a fun lunch with my grandparents and some of my sisters today after my appointment. I think I could live on french fries and honey mustard dressing! YUMMM. Old Navy was so fun, could spend a fortune on all the cute baby stuff I saw! Also, had the lab registration employees take a picture with me, I saw them more than anyone at the fertility clinic, ha ha. While I didn't like getting the blood work done every week, they both were so sweet to me and were really rooting for us!

Sesame seeds, heartbeats and potty breaks!

I read today that the baby is the size of a sesame seed! So itty bitty but it may already have a heartbeat, so amazing! It will grow more rapidly over the next few weeks, we are SO excited for our first ultrasound! My body already has an increased blood volumn and I make more trips to the bath room. I have been feeling icky still but am sleeping much better. We are still in shock, but it's getting more exciting! It feels so foreign to say "I'm pregnant". Hopefully my blood work will come back great again on Monday and I can relax some, ha ha :)

We have waited a very LONG time to say this!!!

Well we have waited 8 long and very hard years to announce this...

!!!!!WE ARE EXPECTING!!!!!

We got the amazing news yesterday afternoon and are still in TOTAL shock! So glad we didn't give up on our dreams and that we were blessed with these embryos. There are no words for how we feel or how grateful we are to our anonymous donor couple. I will give them the biggest and longest hug someday in heaven ♥ We love these people  even though we will never know them. They so selflessly donated their embryos because their family was complete, and it just melts our hearts and souls. They gave the gift of life and family to US, who have have struggled so badly, and wouldn't have had it otherwise. We are already in love with this little baby (or babies)!

When the girl from the clinic called and said, "well congratulations, you're pregnant!", I laughed out loud and said "I am?!! Oh my gosh! I have waited so long to hear those words!" Then I cried and couldn't talk, ha ha. I called Blake at work because I couldn't wait til he got off! He's not allowed to be on his cell phone at work but luckily he happened to be at his desk! He said, "so what's the news?!" I said, "I just wanted to tell you that you're going to be a daddy! It worked!" He was so happy but in shock and said "it did!?!" Ha ha.

A positive pregnancy test (Beta-HCG) level is 80 - 100, and mine was 275! Doesn't necessarily mean that there's more than one but it could be possible since we transferred 2 :) I'm officially 4.5 weeks, and we can find out how many are in there in a couple of weeks at our first ultrasound! Maybe then we will finally believe that we are really having a baby, lol. For those wondering how I'm already that far along...as soon as they implant, you're considered 3 weeks instantly. We got to skip the ovulation, fertilization, travelling down the fallopian tube, etc!

I started throwing up only 4 days after the transfer ha ha, and the clinic couldn't believe I was sick already and said I just had to have gotten the flu. But no! I'm sick because of a sweet baby (or babies!). Very nauseous, horrid heartburn, throwing up, bloated...all happily welcomed! We have waited SOO long for this! We were going to wait to announce until next week because I still have to do my blood work again to make sure my levels are rising as they should, but we are SOO excited! 
Hopefully all continues to go well, stay in there little baby (babies)! Thanks for all your support!

!!!HOORAY FOR EMBRYO ADOPTION!!!