"A person's a person, no matter how small!" - Dr. Seuss

This blog had become such a thing of happiness, hope, and excitement. It seems, I guess "wrong" is the word I'm looking for, to post more sadness on it. The blog was supposed to be turned into a book for a fun keepsake for our baby or babies. It was definitely NOT supposed to have posts about miscarrying, pain, loss, and more heart breaking trials. However, that is all part of this life I guess. We are here to experience love, sadness, etc. It's what we signed up for in heaven, even though sometimes we think, why on earth would we have agreed to THIS?! We can often feel that we're pretty sure there has been a big mistake. And after our 8 years of suffering with infertility, we know by now that life itself, and dealing with the obstacles of trying to start a family, can be such a roller coaster ride and often very unfair.

The loss of a child, no matter at what stage in the pregnancy, is absolutely devastating. Especially when suffering with infertility for so long. So many though write off early miscarriages as not that big of deals. This infuriates us. Insensitive people say things like: "well at least it wasn't a REAL baby yet"..."at least you didn't bond with it yet"..."at least you didn't miscarry later on or have a still born, that's so much worse that THIS"..."obviously it just wasn't meant to be"..."at least you didn't have to experience the pains of labor"..."it's just nature's way of taking care of the weak and deformed"..."well you can just have another baby soon can't you?", etc. While no one has said any of these horrible things to us yet, we know it will eventually happen one day. And sadly others have had to endure these comments. Have been reading a lot of online posts and am horrified by the things people say to others. Unfortunately, not everyone out there is sensitive and tactful. 

To all of those out there who say awful and hurtful things like this to grieving parents though, we say back...

YES, it was VERY MUCH a baby already. Even though our baby wasn't quite an inch long yet, it still had a heart beat, detectable brain waves, arms, legs, a little body, forming organs and facial features, etc. It was on it's way to becoming just like you and me before something went wrong. Just because all babies don't get to have a funeral or memorial service, or weren't as big as you deem worthy to be called "a real baby", it was still OUR baby and it's gone. The size and weight of our baby doesn't lessen the pain, and we still experienced a loss. One that will effect us forever.

YES, I had to take labor inducing meds and experience the most pain I've ever been in physically, because my body didn't want to let the pregnancy go naturally. I still had to endure painful contractions for several hours, but got no baby out of it. And, just because the father didn't experience any physical pain from a miscarriage, his heart is still shattered, and he loved the baby too. So many forget to ask the fathers how THEY are holding up. A great book we are reading has a section on that, very important.

YES, while we are grateful that something went wrong sooner rather than later, because having a still born or experiencing an infant death is a completely different devastation and kind of suffering, we are still hurting and are heart broken. We will always long for what could have been...what he or she would have looked like? How many grand kids would they have given us? What career path would they have chosen? And what kind of person would he or she have been? 

YES, we were already bonding with this baby...talking about how to arrange it's nursery, thinking about it's future, and our future with him or her, etc. I found myself already saying, "what should we have for lunch today baby?"..."ok, let's go potty AGAIN baby"..."can't wait to see you on the ultrasound screen again baby". The bonding of mother and child starts very early on for most women. I've never wanted to be a fancy business woman, famous singer, super model, or athlete...I've always wanted to be a mother. To be able to stay at home, and love and nurture my babies. Hopefully our next treatment will bless us with a healthy baby and we can finally achieve our dream of parenthood. 

A GIANT thank you to my sweet cousin, Carolyn, who has said the most comforting thing of all to us....

"A PERSON'S A PERSON, NO MATTER HOW SMALL!" 
Dr. Seuss

We know our sweet little angel baby boy, or girl, is watching over us from heaven! We are so grateful to have been it's earthly parents, even if it was only for a short while. We WILL see him or her again. My baby sister said it best..."what better babysitter could you ask for than our Heavenly Father?!"

photo credit: Google images