Our hearts are breaking, but we are so grateful that families are forever ♥

We had a follow up appointment this afternoon, and unfortunately the baby no longer has a heart beat. We had a sinking feeling that something wasn't right when our last ultrasound went how it did, but we were trying to stay positive. My doctor wanted to do another ultrasound just to make sure, and I wasn't completely convinced anyways. I have had no bleeding, cramps, etc. But the fertility meds mimic a lot of the pregnancy symptoms, so it would have been hard to tell anyways. But there is no doubt about it, we won't be welcoming a little one in October. We are beyond devastated and it all feels like a nightmare that we can't wake up from. One minute we are like what just happened, and the next we are sobbing. But we are so grateful for our church, our father in heaven, and the knowledge that families are forever. That sweet baby is waiting for us in heaven, and knows how much it was already loved. 

Apparently the baby's heart beat was kind of low at the 7 week appt a couple of weeks ago. They normally like to see it around 170 and it was at 117. We didn't know that until today though, but that isn't always a bad sign they said. We honestly are grateful that we weren't aware of the semi low heart beat because it would have just been all the more stressful the past couple weeks. The doctor said my uterus and the placenta all looked great, but that the baby just quit progressing shortly after our first ultrasound for some reason. These things happen, and they can't be explained.

Thank you so much for all of the kind comments, we really appreciate your support. This blog has been very therapeutic for me. Even now. I am so grateful that Blake was able to leave work today and come with me, it would have been awful to go alone. I am so grateful for him, his love for me, and for his tender heart. He is such a comfort, and at least we still have each other. We grew so much as a couple over the last 8 years through our struggles. This isn't our first treatment heart break, however it is very different from our failed IVF cycle several years ago. It will take time to heal all the same though.

We are going to take a breather for a bit, and try the treatment again later this year hopefully. We are extremely lucky and have several embryos left. So very grateful for our donor couple. Although things didn't turn out how we had hoped, it was still very special for us to finally hear that we were expecting. Those are the best words ever. This came out of nowhere and we were expecting to hear today that it was twins, but we are still so very grateful for the opportunity to have experienced this pregnancy. Even if it was only for several weeks, it was the happiest several weeks of our lives.

Please keep us in your prayers. Thanks so much again for all of your support.