Well, I have only been a bit of a mess, so that is good! Like I've said before, already having kids this time around has helped us tremendously. With our first miscarriage, I sat around all day while Blake was at work bawling and had nothing to do but think about things. This time, I'm entertained daily, am busy taking care of the kids, and had a much less painful and traumatizing miscarriage experience physically. I am so grateful for that! I think in a week or so I will feel pretty good. It is no longer painful to do dishes, laundry, etc. It'll still take awhile to get back to where I was health wise, because my meal plan, work out routine, continued weight loss, etc., was disrupted. Plus, my hormones are a mess. But, I will get there!! I am mostly having good days, with a couple bad ones sprinkled in there. Some days I'm ok and don't cry, other days I am very emotional and many things make me cry. Or I am just stinking annoyed, and sometimes even relieved. Annoyed that we wanted another baby so bad and didn't get it...annoyed that we paid thousands of dollars to keep these 2 embryos frozen for the last 5 yrs...annoyed that they looked so good but only one attached and then the other was a Blighted Ovum...and annoyed that we spent several thousand dollars on my surgery, the transfer, my meds and bloodwork. At the same time though we are relieved about many things. So that has made it hard, struggling with the back and forth feelings. But that is life, and the grieving process. We'll get through it! I am so grateful for a loving, caring, helpful, sweet husband. He can always tell when I need a hug, am struggling extra, or just need to not talk about things. He is such a blessing to me and is the most wonderful Daddy to our twins. I have SO MUCH to be thankful for! We also were able to get Blake a new car, hooray for that mess being over with also!
I am so grateful for the beautiful gifts we have received. It is so nice to know that people are thinking of you, love you, and care. We have received beautiful flowers, a pretty poinsettia, beautiful little angels, a friend sent us money to pay for our Willow Tree Angel that I bought, and I recently purchased this beautiful watercolor on Etsy to hang on the wall. Just need a frame now. We love and miss you sweet little angel babies! That is my favorite saying. "Carried for a moment, loved for a lifetime." It is so true. I was recently talking to one of my sisters and she said something so great that was really comforting. She said, "I feel that the quality of the children we are bringing into this world is what matters, not the quantity." So true! Do your best with the child(ren) you have. It's not about how many we do have, it's about how we love, care for, and bring up the ones we do have. Children are such special and sweet little souls. I want to do my best to make our kids lives as happy and as full of love and laughter as possible ❤ Here's to our hearts not forgetting but healing, and to us being grateful for the two beautiful children we do get to keep with us on earth!
