A name for our angel! - A very special post for us

I have been thinking a lot about our baby lately,  a lot more than normal. Probably because we are starting another treatment very soon, and it for some reason feels like we're trying to "replace" the baby. To those who have never lost a child, that may sound odd. But, to those who have, you probably know what I'm talking about and struggling with. Pushing forward after the loss of a child at any stage of pregnancy is very difficult. It not being given a name publicly somehow makes it seem like it wasn't totally real?? I don't know how to describe exactly what I'm trying to say or how I feel. But, it just bothers me to call the baby "it" when we talk about things. 

When I did the post "A ring, and an angel" shortly after the miscarriage, I almost posted what we wanted to name the baby as well, but we hesitated. I don't know if we were quite ready to share that yet, and we thought that some might think its weird because I was only 8-9 weeks along and we didn't know it's gender. But now, I have no idea why on earth we cared what others might think about OUR baby that WE lost. No one knows how we felt or feel. Losing our first baby after trying for over eight years is the hardest thing we've ever been through, and was unbelievably heart breaking. I personally feel that it was a baby boy, but of course we can't be sure because it had already deteriorated too much to tell when I finally miscarried. Sorry, I know that sounds awful, but it's reality.

Tonight I was talking about things with my sweet Aunt Kim. She was inspired to say everything that she said, and I love her for that. Thank you! The Lord often uses others to comfort us, speak to us, and to answer our prayers. It has really been bothering me lately that I can't comfortably say normal things to others like, "when I was pregnant with ______, I felt..." My aunt mentioned how the movie Heaven is Real made her think of us, and how she wondered if we had named the baby or not. In the movie, the little boy had a near death experience. He mentioned to his parents that a girl without a name comforted him while he was briefly in heaven. The parents had never mentioned to him that they had a miscarriage before having him, yet he was able to tell his parents that his "other sister" came to him in heaven and hugged him. She also told him that their parents didn't name her, and that she died in their mommy's tummy. He was able to describe to his mother what she looked like! That gave me the chills and brought me to tears. This movie is based on a true story! I haven't seen the whole movie, my sister only looked up that one scene for me, but it was very powerful. I will definitely be watching it soon...with a GIANT box of tissues.

So, I can't see any reason why our little one doesn’t deserve a name. Even if my gut is wrong and its not a boy, it has been impressed upon me that this is supposed to be the baby's name. We liked this name for either sex. I know that the precious babies we lose in this life are waiting for us in heaven and are not forgotten. We will get a chance to raise them, and they are watching over us. To those who have hesitated naming your lost babies, please don't! I hope this post will bring us some closure, comfort those who have been in our situation, and raise awareness that, "A person is a person, no matter how small!" We hope and pray that Cannon will send us a sweet brother or sister soon ♥ 

We love you, Cannon Page!

We miss you everyday, thank you for making us a Mommy and Daddy.