Below is a link to a wonderful LDS Ensign article
about faith and infertility. Please share it, there are so many couples out there
struggling with infertility. Some you know of, some you don't. You don’t need to be a fellow Mormon to read this,
get comfort from it, or to share it ☺ So, read away blog friends, and thanks for following us!
“I felt lost for a long time. I felt I had
no purpose. That’s the ultimate goal, isn’t it, to get married and have a
family? I still knew I was a daughter of God, but I hated that I couldn’t be a
co-creator with Him. I felt broken, like I wasn’t a real woman.”
“I remember wondering how something that
was so important in life could be denied me,” she says. “My feelings of hurt
and what seemed to me to be spiritual abandonment manifested themselves through
anger. I was very angry. Angry at myself. Angry at my husband. Angry at God.”
“We tried to stay positive,” Dave says,
“but it was hard. I knew the importance of starting a family, but because we
weren’t able to have biological children, I felt like I was being punished or
short-changed.”
Blake and I have experienced all of these
feelings, plus many many more! Unfortunately, it is just part of the grieving
process, and one of the burdens of infertility. As a woman, I especially related
to the first one a lot over the years. Not being able to have children has made
me feel like less of a woman sometimes. And many men with low sperm count and
quality often feel this way as well. Thanks to embryo adoption we know that I
can get pregnant, but the utter terror of miscarrying again still looms over me, though I try so hard to be positive.
You can sometimes feel so left out, useless and broken. Over the years many
thoughts similar to those mentioned in this article have gone through my head…am I being punished for past mistakes? Am I
not doing something that I should? I am more active in the church than I’ve
ever been - why are we still not able to have a baby? Has God forgotten about
us?
“One
of the gospel principles I’ve learned to appreciate through our experience is
that Heavenly Father has a plan for each of us,” Dave adds. “Sometimes we get
caught up in the one-size-fits-all mentality, and we feel that our lives should
look like other people’s lives. But that’s really not true. Everyone has
different trials, and Heavenly Father is aware of those. If we are humble
enough to follow the plan He has for us, we’ll be happy.”
“I finally realized that infertility wasn’t
a punishment,” Angie says. “Once I was past the point of anger and bitterness,
I was willing to hear the Spirit and receive direction about what we were
supposed to do. Of course, that comes at different points for everyone.
Infertility was my refiner’s fire. My faith was strengthened through those difficult
years.”
Of course God hasn’t forgotten about us! I
hope those who are struggling (publicly and privately) may find some much needed comfort in
this article. Hang in there, the Lord DOES have a special plan for us all. It may not always
be what we had planned on, what we want, or when we want it, but he is the only one who sees the bigger
picture. Serve others, seek counseling, do things to make yourself feel
beautiful (or handsome), walk the dog, get a journal, start a blog, or join a support group - whatever
helps you to get through your trails!
I know that Blake and I were led to these
embryos for a reason. Tears still feel my eyes (and will for many years to
come) when I sit and think about our journey, especially lately. It amazes and baffles me that we were
brought to these precious little snowflakes because of a dream that I had, over and over. That to me is proof that Heavenly
Father has heard our prayers, was mindful of our pain, and was just waiting for the
RIGHT time.
