My first 'HAPPY' Mother's Day! - Don't give up!!

The last 8 Mother's Days have, well...sucked. I avoided church purposely this day almost every year. But, I still enjoyed celebrating the holiday because of my amazing Mom and my sweet gmas, so it wasn't totally awful. I tried so hard to focus more on how grateful I was for the wonderful women in my life, and that helped a lot. But, I couldn't totally ignore the fact that everyone was having kids but us. I was the loner non-mommy. And some years I did sit around feeling sorry for myself. And that's ok too. Sometimes you just need to cry in the shower or yell into a pillow (or both!) in order to pick yourself back up and try again. The road of infertility is such an emotional rollercoaster. A tragedy. A loss of dreams, most days.

Last year especially sucked because Mother's Day came only two short months after I miscarried angel baby Cannon. I purposely didn't go to sacrament that Sunday because I didn't think I could keep it together through all the "I'm so grateful to be a Mom" talks. So I only caught the tail end of the meeting and then headed to my primary class. But I wasn't able to fully avoid everyone obviously, ha ha. My sweet friends still told me Happy Mother's Day with tears in their eyes. And I appreciated it, much to my surprise! Not only because it had to have been so hard for them to approach me and say that, but it also was somehow comforting at the same time. It reminded me that Blake and I have Cannon in heaven waiting for us, along with the sweet spirits of our children to be!

I would have never imagined then, when my heart was still freshly broken to pieces (and lit on fire!), that by the next mother's day that I would have a belly full of babies! And that they would be due in less than a week! It's amazing what can happen if we don't give up on our dreams. I have only ever wanted to be a Mommy. So very grateful to my Heavenly Father for watching over me and the twins throughout this pregnancy! This lifelong dream of mine is finally becoming a reality. It's just amazing that we've made it this far from our scare at 24 weeks. It was sooo worth the 12 weeks of bed rest, pain, hospital stays, and tears!

Though I'm not holding Cameron and Claire just yet, I think I still count as a "Mommy" :) I hope all of you out there struggling with infertility can spend this holiday not thinking of the children that you don't have or lost...but can focus on your own mothers, aunts, friends, grandmothers, or whatever awesome ladies you have the pleasure of knowing. I like to think that we all have at least one amazing mother figure or female support system in our life. For now, find comfort and happiness in celebrating them! But don't lose hope for the little ones who will eventually come...look what Blake and I would be missing out on if we would have called it quits in 2014! I can't wait meet these beautiful babies, and to hug Cannon in heaven some day!

Happy Mother's Day to all of the moms and motherly figures out there, hope your day is wonderous! I am so grateful for my Mumsy, all of her help (recently and always!), her great and loving example to me, and for her generosity! She hasn't complained once in the whole 11 weeks she's been here helping out!