"Don't look backwards for very long...keep moving forward!" - Treatment is almost here

The last couple of weeks I have been second guessing whether or not to go ahead with the upcoming treatment. But, I know it’s just nerves and utter terror because of how hard the first time around was. And, it is a long time for Blake and I to be apart. We do live a lot closer now, so if his work schedule allows it, he may be able to visit. But, the stress of it all has really been nagging at me. This may sound silly, but I found comfort in a movie that I watched yesterday while my pizzas were baking, Meet the Robinsons. What a cute movie, I highly recommend it! For those of you that know me well, know that I am a movie freak. Especially when it comes to Disney/Pixar ones! This movie has always had a special place in my heart because he finally gets adopted in the end after many years. He gets discouraged throughout the movie and wants to give up, but he doesn’t. Besides the awesome message this movie offers, the main point of this post is the below quote by Walt Disney at the end of the movie. These words are also said throughout the movie. I found great comfort in his words. 

“Around here, however, we don’t look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things, because we’re curious…and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths.” - Walt Disney

KEEP MOVING FORWARD and CURIOSITY LEADS US DOWN NEW PATHS are the parts that stuck out to me the most. We would have never adopted these precious embryos if I hadn't been curious about that dream I had repeatedly last summer! So cool! But, I've felt as if I've had a tiny angel and devil on my shoulders the last couple of weeks. The angel saying, “Please don’t give up, these embryos came to you for a reason. Your babies are waiting for you, you’re almost there. They’re beautiful and you will be such a happy family!” And, the little red guy with a pitch fork whispering in my ear, “Why bother, it’s just going to be another miscarriage anyways! Save yourselves all that heart wrenching pain and money, just re-donate the embryos. Then, you and Blake will always be able to do whatever you want, with no kids to worry about! Are you really sure you want all the stress and responsibility that comes with having kids?” Just "taking another break" has been tempting also. But I know me, and we would probably never resume treatments. We would just use it as an excuse to keep postponing because we were afraid. I'm sure many of you fellow infertile-ites know exactly what I'm talking about and how I feel...

So many people now a days sadly view having a family as something that "holds you back." But it's just not true, people are just becoming more and more selfish. The whole purpose of us being here on this earth is to have a family, and to learn and grow together. Fear, loss of hope, and negativity come from Satan. He doesn’t want us to be happy, or to become the person that Heavenly Father knows we can be. Hope, faith, happiness, and perseverance come from God. Much prayer, along with little things over the last few days, like this movie, has helped me get out of my funk. We can’t just sit around too afraid to pursue additional fertility treatments because “they’ll probably just fail anyways.” We don’t know that! Yes, I miscarried last time, but that's not extremely uncommon. Yes, it has been almost 9 years, and we've spent over $25,000 between IVF in 2008 and our embryo transfer in January. But, that doesn’t mean that we should lose our faith and quit trying! There are so many couples out there that have endured much more than Blake and I, and it would be a shame to call it quits now. At least we know I am able to get pregnant! Some aren't so lucky. Though Disney's words may not be specific to my exact situation, it's just a great overall attitude recommendation for life!

Like in the movie, I have faith that if there were such a thing as a time machine, that I would be able to look into our future and see beautiful babies. Everything happens when it’s supposed to, although it may be difficult. I used to get so mad when people would tell me that, but it is true. My heart goes out to all of you that are currently struggling with infertility or treatments, have lost a child, or are suffering in other ways. I'm happy to say that I'm feeling better about heading to Utah in just a few days! Thanks to everyone for all of your prayers on our behalf. Just remember, you’re not alone, and DON’T LOOK BACKWARDS FOR VERY LONG & KEEP MOVING FORWARD!